We live in the age where marketing companies go so overboard that we’re confused right from the moment the ‘teaser’ drops for a new film until right after we get to see it and then we find ourselves wondering what all the fuss was about. Sometimes it’s a new film, other times a remake or a sequel to a franchise film that’s been dead for far too long to ever be the basis for a successful revival…yet the hits just keep on coming and we’re left with an entire archive of films that should have been great but weren’t.
I’ll only subject you to mentioning my most immense disappointments over the last few years…
Indiana Jones…I find myself often wondering how they managed to screw up this one quite frankly. With a premise as simple as an Indiana Jones film and three prior films to work on as a basis, this film could have been great but what we got was obscure tie ins to the past films, a story involving aliens and people swinging on vines.
We got none of what made Indiana Jones great in the old days, instead we got a tired old Indy, plagued by script issues, over burdened by unnecessary plot elements and too many production issues to mention.
Fantastic 4 (All Of Them)
What could possibly go wrong, right? Turns out – everything.
Fantastic 4 has struggled to find its feet ever since the idea came about to make a film about the cornerstone hero team.
First we got a crap movie, then we got a crap sequel with the Silver Surfer and some stupid car thing flying about and then we got something that wasn’t even Fantastic 4…but rather Fant 4 Stic with a cast that left everyone in the cinema literally going ‘what the fuck was that?’
Everyone said it wasn’t a good idea to mess with Ghostbusters but they just had to go make another one while making it a political issue at the same time.
A direct sequel to the second Ghostbusters film, even with most of the original Ghostbusters dead, would have been a better premise than a complete reboot involving a female cast. While the idea is novel and revolutionary for women in film, the result was less than awesome.
All that was needed to make a new Ghostbusters film was one of the original Ghostbusters appearing during a new disaster to train a new group of ‘young Ghostbusters’ but no – that was too complicated.
A single old battleship going up against gigantic alien invader assault vehicles. Cool!
Turns out – no, it wasn’t cool at all.
I really, really wanted to like this movie. Sadly, nobody really understands what the hell is going on and the cash in attempts are so blatant that it makes my head spin. While the premise is really awesome, the chosen release date, style and story of this film drags it down to the bottom of the ocean where it will hopefully stay forever.
Cowboys fighting aliens in the old west. What? Ok hold on, that might be cool.
What we got was James Bond running around with amnesia and Harrison Ford, cluttered casting, a shallow story littered with plot holes and action scenes so stupid that this film literally flew itself off the shelves at retailers and into bargain bins the world over.
All you had to do was make aliens show up and have cowboys shoot them, but no, once again – too complicated.
Convicted baddies put to good use as an unlikely team of heroes…
This movie came out as a dud almost instantly and The Joker was such a mess that Suicide Squad might have very well put an entire generation off Batman entirely. Will Smith and Harley Quinn‘s hotpants were the only true highlights of this film and quite frankly so much was held back from the actual cinematic version of the film that it changed it into something less than memorable.
A hardass cowboy bounty hunter who can’t die, who can speak to the dead…
The execution of this film was painful to watch and it took itself so super seriously with such little background information available for people who had no idea who or what Jonah Hex is. The idea was simple enough. You have a former soldier out for revenge and he can’t die and he can also talk to the dead…
What we got was flashback scenes, machine guns on a horse and a movie so dreary that you’d be better off watching paint dry.
The list can literally go on forever and it appears that Hollywood is nowhere close to learning their lesson. Sadly enough we’re stuck in an age of repetition and unoriginality where everything that makes (or made) the big bucks are used to infinite proportions. Films that do manage to rise above the rest are seldom appreciated for the gems they are and when a sequel is done correctly (Star Wars Episode 8), everyone is so bothered with minor details that the film itself gets dragged down into an abyss of analytics and fan theory.
This will never end, will it?
Latest posts by Grand Moff Morris (see all)
- Coming Soon: The Disaster Artist - November 10, 2017
- Competitions: Win 1 Of 3 Justice League Hampers! (Closed) - November 9, 2017
- Movie News: The Last Jedi International Poster Released - November 1, 2017