Pseudo News: Jason Voorhees Heading Up New Charity

Jason Voorhees has decided to bury the machete and make peace with the counselors of Crystal Lake, becoming one himself. The former mass murderer seems to have turned a new leaf and intends to be the driving force behind a new charity that will teach children how to swim.

We caught up with Mr. Voorhees at Crystal Lake during one of his swimming lessons and had the pleasure of briefly watching him in action.

The new system, which is thus far enormously popular is designed to pro-actively encourage children visiting the camp to take up swimming as a healthy hobby. Mr. Voorhees told us that he gently wakes his swim class at 4 am every morning with a pitchfork, after which the group enjoys a brisk jog down to the lake for a fun-filled day of swimming.

Parents are encouraged to bring their children to Crystal Lake for the free lessons whenever they have the chance. Jason told us that every child who successfully signs up will also receive a sandwich, an inflatable axe and a piece of Tommy Jarvis.



Grand Moff Morris
Get Social

Grand Moff Morris

You know, this was supposed to be my day off. But nooooooo. Instead, you got me out here dragging your heavy ass through the burning desert, with your dreadlocks sticking out the back of my parachute.
Grand Moff Morris
Get Social

Latest posts by Grand Moff Morris (see all)

Related Articles