This past weekend, I took a stroll down memory lane by watching some older films. Though, as you might have guessed, this is something I do often. This time around my focus was entirely on movies people tend to consider ‘for kids’. Films considered so simply because they are animated or presented in a way that might appeal to kids from an adult point of view. Indeed, for some adults, all it takes is spot a kids movie is looking at the poster and seeing those predictable happy but dead inside faces of the main cast of characters. Combine this with the fact that kids often fall into the same trap, and you got yourself a situation.
Often both kids and adults fall into the trap of seeing an animated film that was actually never meant for kids. I’m not talking Pixar or Disney though because they (usually) take some care as to make sure everything stays relatively kid-friendly. These studios are smart enough to hide adult themes deep enough in their films so kids usually don’t notice. I mean, I didn’t realize that in The Lion King, Simba was essentially boinking his sister (presumably) or notice the fact that there aren’t any humans in Cars and that they are all probably dead after some sort of robotic car apocalypse.
Other studios, well, they aren’t so gentle…
I revisited some animated films that are definitely animated but definitely NOT for kids.
5. Princess Mononoke
Essentially what you have here is a story about not only the greed and carelessness of humanity but the fucking end of the world as we know it. There are so many hidden innuendoes in this movie that literally no kid on the planet really understands what’s going on. Princess Mononoke basically focuses on a world where humans (as a minority), spend their time destroying the creatures and world around them so they can essentially sit around being assholes.
While this theme isn’t exactly unheard of in kids films, this film is done with extra kapow, it’s Studio Ghibli and Hayao Miyazaki does not fuck around. We got a wild wolf girl, rampant murder, and hunting of all manner of forest creatures and the overall sub-theme of humanity pretty much being a sickness on the Earth. I think Satan himself could appear in this film and you would probably like him more than the humans in it.
Oh, a Bugs Life was awesome, right? Antz must be great too since, you know, it’s an animated movie about ants? – No.
The movie focuses on an ant named ‘Z’, who is basically experiencing a mid-life crisis, existential crises and a nervous breakdown all at the same time throughout the film. That’s not heavy enough? Okay, add a corrupt army general who intends to murder the entire colony so he can take over and boink the princess. Still not heavy enough? Add the subtle hints of the futility of existence and how utterly small and insignificant you are. Now, throw in a decapitation, a revolution, betrayal, open war and about two funny moments with jokes only adults will understand, and you got Antz.
I think the weirdest part of this movie is the fact that Sylvester Stallone as an ant isn’t much different from Sylvester Stallone as a human.
3. Chicken Run
The film that put off an entire generation from poultry.
So, what was the idea behind Chicken Run? Well, let’s have chickens, right? Then let’s have these chickens live in Auschwitz Concentration Camp while being tortured under military rule by Nazi Germany.
The chickens are innocent and likeable and all they want is to escape, so naturally, when Mel Gibson shows up, that’s what they end up doing.
The gloomy story, style of storytelling and animation of this film is more akin to a prison documentary than a kids film. Throughout the film, you are presented with themes of oppression, corruption, servitude, torture, slavery, deception – and that’s just the first 30 minutes. As the humour is clearly aimed at adults and older British people, I don’t see how this film was ever marketed to or enjoyed by children. This movie is about as depressing as listening to Woody Allen for 2 hours.
2. Watership Down
The film that left 5-year-olds and 32-year-olds screaming with eyes full of tears about the cute bunny being torn the fuck to shreds. Watership Down was and is some real hardcore shit.
This film features a group of bunnies who are having their homes destroyed by the evil humans. That wasn’t bad enough so they attached the saddest song in the universe to it (Bright Eyes) and then had two bunnies have a UFC cage fight to the death with blood and shit splattering everywhere. Yeah, kids movie… fun.
I’m never watching this fucking movie ever again.
1. Sausage Party
The trap almost every parent fell into very recently, was Sausage Party. Oh sure, talking animated food, how bad could it be? This is definitely a kids movie! Let’s take our entire family to opening day in the cinema without even so much as watching a trailer beforehand. This, unsurprisingly, was the reason thousands of parents stormed out of the cinema while covering their kids’ ears and eyes a mere 10 minutes into the film.
Sausage Party is about as subtle as Danny DeVito at a Vegas Buffet. This entire movie is about gory visuals depicting horrific mutilation, profanity, and sex. That’s all it’s about. This entire film is about toilet humour and sex. This is the finest example of how not everything animated is a kids movie. Sausage Party is 100% aimed at adult viewers and any kid who watches it will either grow up to be a serial killer or has a severe lack of parenting figures in life.
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